Posts filed under ‘humor’

Barack Obama Sets New Record for Mistakes by Any New President


This is so sweet. Brainless Barry just keeps on giving.

He is already in a pis–ng match with the mainstream media that got hiim elected and he is only three short days into his Presidency. How delicious can it get? I love you Barry! Kiss, Kiss!

The only smart thing he has done so far was to con Bhillary into the Secretary of State job, which is the only cabinet position that is absolutely doomed to automatic failure.

I just cannot wait to watch Bhillary using her famous tact (I cannot stop laughing as I write this: Hillary’s “tact” Whee!!) to make peace between Isreal and the Arabs. But that amount of smarts is beyond Barry: it bears the unmistakeable mark of Rahm Emanuel, whose father and uncle are experts at blowing things up in the Mideast. Now they are blowing up Hillary’s career.

But back to Barack Obama setting the historical record for the most mistakes, flubs, and disasters between getting elected and getting inaugurated.

First, he failed to get sworn in like all 43 Presidents before him. The Chief Justice demanded that Barry redo the Oath the next day! Jeez, you cannot make this stuff up! And the next day his Vice President Joe Biden makes a joke about it in front of Obama! Did you see that video? Obama looked just like his cousin Odinga before he set fire to the church full of Christians. Dr. Jill Biden better check that Joe’s life insurance policies are paid up.

That big open mouth to mouth kiss she planted on Obama onstage at the Convention in Denver may not be enough to save her hubby from his big Irish blathering mouth.

So Barry is unique among Presidents in that he had two “first days as President.” And he screwed them both up! Change you can believe in! How sweet it is.

With permission, I am going to reprint this article with permission from that great lady and fellow New Yorker  Ruthie Goldman’ Here it is:

Obama’s Honeymoon Is Over After Just Three Days as President

January 23, 2009 ·

Isn’t this absolutely delicious!

First He bungles his first act as President, which was taking the Oath of Office.

Then he appointed and swore in his Cabinet before he took the second Oath of Office so maybe his Cabinet is not legal.

He appointed an Attorney General who arranged the pardon of Marc Rich, who collaborated with the enemy, swindled the public out of billions of dollars overcharging for oil, and set the record as the biggest tax evader in all history.

He appointed a Secretary of State that he previously said had no  foreign policy experience.

Then he appointed as Head of the CIA the idiot who forced the CIA to downsize under Clinton so we got misinformation about weapons of mass destruction in Iraq.

Even better, the One was too insensitive to even tell his fellow Democratic Senior Senator Feinstein about the CIA appoint, forgetting the minor matter that she heads the intelligence committee. Brainless Barry!

So  he tried appointing  Governor Richardson who was under investigation by the FBI for six months.

Then he announced a jobs plan for 2.5 million jobs the day before his Labor Dept said we lost 2.6 million jobs, showing he has his head stuck someplace it should not be. Cannot even talk to his jobs department?

Or is that his solution to global warming? Fewer jobs?

Then he appoints to run the economic bailout the incompetent boob who oversaw the disaster as Head of the New York Fed and to boot committed felony Tax Evasion.

Then Obama locks the Press Corps out of his make-up second inauguration.

Then he won’t let the media take photos or video inside the White House

Then he appoints a lobbyist or two to his team.

Then he bites the head off a reporter who asks why he hired a lobbyist after two yearas of campaigning he would not hire any lobbyist.

Then the media refused to use the photos forced down their throats by the White House.

So now the Messiah is in a pissing match with the media who elected him.

Never in the history of America has any President screwed up so much in his first three days!!!

The next four years are going to be fun, fun, fun!!!

January 24, 2009 at 5:45 pm 9 comments

Barack Obama Must One Up Hustler’s Larry Flynt Porno Bailout: We Must Give Free Passes to Bordellos as Economic “Stimulus”


Obama must bailout or nationalize bordellos as supply side economics. Free Healthcare Means If you get the 6 hour erection from Viagra, you get a free bordello pass, not a doctor. Change you can believe in.

Hustler publisher Larry Flynt and Girls Gone Wild CEO Joe Francis said Wednesday they will request that Congress allocate $5 billion for a bailout of the adult entertainment industry. Why would we want to bailout mere fantasy images when we can nationalize the fundamental source. We can bailout the supply!

 Our new President wants to spend an amount equal to all the taxes that will be collected in the next hundred years to reward people who cannot comprehend that a mortgage means you are actually supposed to pay for your home, and that your new four bedroom mansion with stainless steel appliances and granite counters is not part of the Section 8 free welfare housing you just moved out of.

Well, we have legalized executive crime. We are already subsidizing other business criminals, such as the auto executives and Wall Street and the ACORN fraudulent mortgages.

We might as well continue the government programs designed by the Democratic Party to destroy marriage and the family by legalizing prostitution.

Low income, and especially no income taxpayers, must be able to check a box on their no tax return saying whether or not they have enough cash for prostitutes, and if they don’t, the government absolutely must send out a voucher good for one free visit to the bordello every week.

Twice a week if you get a doctor’s letter.

Three times a week if the doctor is a specialist.

Maybe we could give them to heterosexual wives. Instead of that “I have a headache” routine, they could just ration out an Obama bordello coupon if hubby is nice about the rejection. This might actually reduce the divorce rate. See, bordellos can improve the quality of life for children who would otherwise suffer from a broken home.

For those of you under age thirty, “broken home” is an “Olde Englishe” term previously used to refer to that horror of horrors, a divorce.

In keeping with Obama’s “spread the wealth around” policy, low income men should qualify for welfare bordello vouchers, maybe as part of Food Stamps.

And we cannot have sexual discrimination. Women must also get bordello vouchers as part of their welfare. Of course, unmarried mothers pose a special dilemma: Obviously they found sex somewhere! But can we pay for them to have more sex and more babies for the working taxpayer to support?

Of course we must! They are people. They have rights, and it is not their fault that they are unwilling to work to pay for their rights. God made them that way. Christians must respect that. Besides, if we donate to feed babies, why shouldn’t the government take money away from us to pay for the act of making babies. It is hateful to use a term such as “screwing around!” to refer to the act of creating future welfare recipients.

And if we don’t pay for this, where will the voters come from to re-elect Obama in 2029 to his fifth term as Messiah?

“Give me your poor, your hungry, and we can show them how to vote twice.” Attributed to Mayor Daley, the expert on voting twice. You know, the man who showed Al Franken how to do a recount using a photocopy machine in a car trunk.

But back to basics:  If we can pay for men to get sex, we must pay for women to get sex.

And in the interest of true equality, we must establish gay bordellos, because once gays can get married, they will probably suffer the same absence of sex that afflicts married straight men. And aas a humantarian, I really want to give them a reason to feel “gay.”

We must  not forget the huge population of unfortunate gay women trapped in marriages to straight men. Psychologists must be able to dispense free Medicaid vouchers to lesbian bordellos for these victims of straight marriages.

Muslims have the right to get bordellos with foot baths and prayer rugs in case the six hour Viagra erection overlaps with prayer times. And the girls would wear facial scarves. Maybe someone could email me about how Burkhas would fit in this government welfare plan?

And if any bordello runs out of cash, we could use tax dollars to bail them out. After all, where could anyone find a man who will not claim he urgently needs more nekkid fems, Ooopps, except in San Francisco?

Then we could give vouchers to doctors, and if someone called in with the erection lasting more than six hours, like the Viagra commercials warn of, then the doctors could prescribe an emergency treatment of six hours in the FEMA run bordello.

Of course, vouchers for the bordello could be part of the Congressional Health Insurance package. This would greatly decrease the scandals in Congress. Such a policy would even have spared the most famous Democrat of all, Hillary Clinton of her husband’s Blue Dress Scandal.

See, sin and crime are entirely determined by perverts demonstrating in the streets and electing “I am not gay” mayors. Oh Oh, is this the ultimate extension of the way Harvard and Nancy Pelosi interpret the separation of Church and state.

The state uses tax dollars to pay for crime and sin, Democratically, whether it be in Detroit, on Wall Street, even in that den of iniquity and sin called Congress.

Church ministers are in violation of the civil rights law and subject to imprisonment if they refer to gays as perverts, or to homosexuality as an abomination.

So, government in the USA advocates and pays for crime, capitalist failures, and sin. To speak out against sin is a civil rights violation.

Oh my God, is this post a civil rights violation? Can I be sent to jail?

Do not put me in jail, please, look; I am advocating legalizing prostitution, including gay prostitution. Isn’t that enough sin to keep me out of jail?

 

January 11, 2009 at 8:04 pm 2 comments

Cow Fart Tax! Change You Can Believe In!


Maybe Barack Obama should follow the cows around lighting matches. You cannot make this stuff up. This will cause inflation. Maybe we could use it to inflate dirigibles.

I know! Send out platoons of gay cowboys to plug their butts!

Democrats are going to tax cow farts because they contain methane and add to greenhouse gases.

You just gotta read this at this great blog:

http:/msplaceddemocrat.com/a-cattle-farting-tax/

January 2, 2009 at 2:28 pm 8 comments

Is Chelsea Clinton to Wed Into Convicted Felon Family?


Media Bias!

How did the media miss this? Can there be media bias?

According to Wikipedia, which I am told is not a secretive, tin foil hat wacko right wing nut group, Chelsea is currently dating Marc Mezvinsky.

Marc is the son of former Iowa congressman and convicted felon Edward Mezvinsky and former Pennsylvania congresswoman Marjorie Margolies-Mezvinsky.

Well, I guess if your father is the only US President impeached during our lifetime, associations do not matter.

What if Sarah Palin’s daughter’s fiancee was dating a convicted felon? Would the media go wild?

Oh! The mother of Sarah’s daughter’s fiancee  was arrested and the media did go wild!

So why are the media not going wild about the daughter of the junior New York Senator, soon to be our Secretary of State, dating a family of corrupt politicians that are so corrupt they actually got convicted of a felony and went to jail? 

Media Bias!

Media Bias!

Media Bias!

January 1, 2009 at 4:42 pm 3 comments

American History Hint Its Funny


This story about American History really split me up. Its not just funny. It has poignancy on so many levels. And the blog that posted it is also terrific and has been on my blogroll links forever.

You gotta read this  http://boudicabpi.wordpress.com/2008/12/07/american-history

December 26, 2008 at 5:42 pm 2 comments

Merry Christmas! I Am Off To Eat My Holiday Fruitcake


All the previous discussions of fruits, fruitflies and fruitiness has made me tired and hungry.

I am off to visit Rick Warren for Christmas fruitcake recipes.

My favorite  fruitcake has a lot of rum.

In fact, there is nothing like rummies and parties. Lets party CLICK THIS LINK

December 25, 2008 at 6:11 pm 1 comment

Sarah Palin’s Church Burned by Al Gayda


One of the biggest and most atrocious propaganda victories in history is the theft of the nice and ancient word “gay” as the now universal label for queers, faggots, lesbians, bisexuals, self-mutilated transexuals,  and homosexuals.

There is nothing “gay” about being gay.

In fact the history of these perverts is not gay, it is a history of violence and intimidation.

Last year I listened raptly to the granddaughter of the former head of the American Psychiatric Association on National Public Radio. I think that she boasted her great pride how her grandfather participated in lies, intimidation and deception to get homosexuality removed from the APA’s Catalog of Official Diseases. I think she boasted of how he concealed his homosexuality for most of his life, and concealed it from the Republic of Ireland.

Concealed his homosexuality from the Republic of Ireland?

Yep. I think she said that he testified to the Irish parliament, on his authority as President of the American Psychiatric Association, that homosexuality was normal, that there was absolutely no scientific evidence that being queer was either a disease nor an abnormality, and that Ireland should amend its Constitution to permit homosexuals to be President.

Impressed by this expertise of a straight man who was President of the American Psychiatric Association, Ireland did so.

He falsely gave them the impression that this was the official position of the American Psychiatric Association based on scientific studies.

No such thing was true at that time:  he flat out lied and deceived the Irish Parliament.

I think that the granddaughter bragged that there was no such scientific evidence, and carried on about how the faggots dressed up in masks and costumes to terrorize the Convention of the Psychiatric Society until they forgot and rejected the science, and made it illegal for any psychiatrist to treat a patient with homosexuality as a disease.

In fact, thanks to this deception, a psychiatrist can lose his  medical license for referring to a homosexual as abnormal or sick. Freedom of speech in America? What a joke.

Under the false banner of getting their freedom, gays are stripping our freedom of speech.

Sarah Palin’s church in Alaska was holding workshops to help people who were unhappy with their homosexuality to find ways to deal with it.

The church was not condemning “gays” as perverts.

The new American terrorists who have been rioting in the streets of California and in  the media in fury over the majority of the California voters to reject gay marriage, I think set fire to the church.

The fire started with an accelerant, possibly gasoline, spread in the entrances of the church, almost trapping the church ladies and two children inside.

Burning a church with people and children  inside!

This brings to mind images of the KKK, and of Obama’s cousin Odinga’s group burning the Kenyan church to the ground while 400 Christians were locked inside.

We need a new, more descriptive name for homosexuals. “Gay” is clearly not descriptive of the truth.

How about “Al Gayda?”

Because queers in America are terrorists.

December 16, 2008 at 3:00 am 7 comments

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